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Domestic violence is a
crime involving a pattern of abusive behavior in intimate relationships
where one partner tries to control and dominate the other. This
behavior may be physically, sexually, psychologically, or verbally
abusive, with the victim left feeling scared, "crazy," dependent, and
insecure. The children of the battered parent must contend with these same
fears and realities.
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Myth: |
Domestic violence is a
private family matter. |
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Fact: |
Domestic Violence - also
called spouse abuse, battering, family violence, abuse, and wife
beating - is not just a family problem. It is a crime with
serious repercussions. |
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Myth: |
The violence isn't really
serious. |
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Fact: |
Domestic violence can
involve threats, pushing, punching, slapping, choking, sexual assault,
and assault with weapons. It is rarely a one-time occurrence and
usually escalates in frequency and severity over time. Any act
of domestic violence is something to take seriously. |
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Myth: |
All domestic violence is
physical. |
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Fact: |
Being abused may not
ever include physical violence, but a victim may be abused verbally,
emotionally, and/or psychologically. These forms of abuse can
be just as terrifying and debilitating and often result in feelings
of low self-esteem, depression, and loneliness for the victim. |
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Myth: |
Victims provoke their
partner's violence. |
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Fact: |
Victims never control a
batterer's use of violence. Victims are not to blame nor do they
ever deserve such abuse. Whatever problems exist in a
relationship, the use of violence is never justified or acceptable. |
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Myth: |
No one would beat their
pregnant wife or girlfriend. |
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Fact: |
Domestic violence often
begins or escalates during pregnancy. Testimony before Congress
indicated that 50% of abusive husbands batter their pregnant wives.
Other statistics show that between 25% and 40% of battered women were
assaulted while pregnant. |
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Myth: |
Domestic violence doesn't
happen in my neighborhood. |
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Fact: |
Domestic violence happens
to people of all ages, races and religions. It happens to people of
all educational and income levels. It happens in heterosexual,
gay, lesbian, and transgender relationships. It happens
everywhere. |
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Myth: |
Batterers
are mentally ill. |
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Fact: |
Battering is a learned
behavior, not a mental illness. Abusers' experiences as children
and the messages they get from society in general tell them that
violence is an effective means to achieve power and control over their
partners. Batterers are accountable for their actions. |
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Myth: |
Drug and alcohol abuse
causes domestic violence. |
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Fact: |
Batterers frequently make
excuses for their violence, claiming loss of control due to alcohol or
drug use, or extreme stress. Although drug and alcohol abuse may
intensify existing violent behavior, it does not cause domestic
violence. |
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Myth: |
It is easy for a victim to
leave her/his abuser. |
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Fact: |
There are
many, many reasons why it is difficult for a victim to leave:
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Studies
show that the battered person is a greatest risk when she/he
attempts to leave.
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The
partner may have used violence when the victim tried to leave in the
past.
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The
victim may not know about available resources to assist her/him in
leaving.
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If the
victim is financially dependent upon the abuser and leaves with
their children she/he will likely face severe hardships.
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Social
and justice systems may have been unresponsive, insensitive or
ineffective in the past.
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Religious, cultural, or familial pressures may make the victim
believe that it is her/his duty to keep the marriage/relationship
together at all costs.
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The
victim's emotional ties to the abuser may still be strong,
supporting the hope that the violence will end.
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For most
of us, the decision to end a relationship is not an easy one.
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