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Domestic Violence Myths & Facts

What Is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is a crime involving a pattern of abusive behavior in intimate relationships where one partner tries to control and dominate the other. This behavior may be physically, sexually, psychologically, or verbally abusive, with the victim left feeling scared, "crazy," dependent, and insecure. The children of the battered parent must contend with these same fears and realities.

Myth: Domestic violence is a private family matter.
Fact: Domestic Violence - also called spouse abuse, battering, family violence, abuse, and wife beating - is not just a family problem. It is a crime with serious repercussions.

Myth: The violence isn't really serious.
Fact: Domestic violence can involve threats, pushing, punching, slapping, choking, sexual assault, and assault with weapons. It is rarely a one-time occurrence and usually escalates in frequency and severity over time. Any act of domestic violence is something to take seriously.

Myth: All domestic violence is physical.
Fact: Being abused may not ever include physical violence, but a victim may be abused verbally, emotionally, and/or psychologically. These forms of abuse can be just as terrifying and debilitating and often result in feelings of low self-esteem, depression, and loneliness for the victim.

Myth: Victims provoke their partner's violence.
Fact: Victims never control a batterer's use of violence. Victims are not to blame nor do they ever deserve such abuse. Whatever problems exist in a relationship, the use of violence is never justified or acceptable.

Myth: No one would beat their pregnant wife or girlfriend.
Fact: Domestic violence often begins or escalates during pregnancy. Testimony before Congress indicated that 50% of abusive husbands batter their pregnant wives. Other statistics show that between 25% and 40% of battered women were assaulted while pregnant.

Myth: Domestic violence doesn't happen in my neighborhood.
Fact: Domestic violence happens to people of all ages, races and religions. It happens to people of all educational and income levels. It happens in heterosexual, gay, lesbian, and transgender relationships. It happens everywhere.

Myth: Batterers are mentally ill.
Fact: Battering is a learned behavior, not a mental illness. Abusers' experiences as children, and the messages they get from society in general, tell them that violence is an effective means to achieve power and control over their partners. Batterers are accountable for their actions.

Myth: Drug and alcohol abuse causes domestic violence.
Fact: Batterers frequently make excuses for their violence, claiming loss of control due to alcohol or drug use, or extreme stress. Although drug and alcohol abuse may intensify existing violent behavior, it does not cause domestic violence.

Myth: It is easy for a victim to leave her/his abuser.
Fact: There are many, many reasons why it is difficult for a victim to leave: Studies show that the battered person is a greatest risk when she/he attempts to leave. The partner may have used violence when the victim tried to leave in the past. The victim may not know about available resources to assist her/him in leaving. If the victim is financially dependent upon the abuser and leaves with their children she/he will likely face severe hardships. Social and justice systems may have been unresponsive, insensitive or ineffective in the past. Religious, cultural, or familial pressures may make the victim believe that it is her/his duty to keep the marriage/relationship together at all costs. The victim's emotional ties to the abuser may still be strong, supporting the hope that the violence will end. For most of us, the decision to end a relationship is not an easy one.

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